director's cut to 'the perfect genius of our hands and mouths'

[dearmoon]

 
hello all. this is a director’s cut/commentary on my fic, the perfect genius of our hands and mouths. there’s not really much else to say… i’m just kinda spitballing my thoughts here & the writing process for it. anyway hope you enjoy :p 

This is the fic
This is commentary

 

It’s bad enough his air conditioning isn’t working today, but he didn’t account for one thing (and he should’ve — he really should’ve): his neighbor, best friend, and bane of his existence, Yang Jungwon. 

Jungwon bursted through his door an hour ago. They found themselves on their respective ends of the couch, simply coexisting. It usually goes like this; they find a comfortable silence between them and share whatever’s on their respective screens to each other.

they’re literally just best friends and i love them…

 

ok but in realness i wanted to establish that this is something natural for them. that jungwon can come into his house without invitation and sit himself down and jay would be unbothered. i imagine it to be like when you spend time with your friends but you’re all on your phones scrolling individually and sending each other things even though you’re right next to each other. idk i guess i wanted to recreate a scene of teenagerism… hot summer, nothing to do, doomscrolling with the tv is on… yeah

 

But today is different. Jungwon has been jittery. He’s acting on edge, pulling at the hem of his shirt more than he needs to, eyes shifty, leg bouncing up and down. It could be argued that it’s just the heat getting to him, but Jay notices. He always notices.

 

HE ALWAYS NOTICESSSSS enough to ask him why he’s being weird when these antics can just be disregarded half the time but jay Knows his best friend

 

“You know Heeseung? The one down the street?” Jungwon fiddles with his fingers. “His mom invited us over for dinner a couple weeks ago and he finally asked me out. We have our second date tonight. In a few hours, actually.” 

Jay immediately gets annoyed. He gulps down water from his glass. “Okay. Sounds great. Why are you being weird?” He repeats again. He crunches the ice harder than needed.

 

classic case of jay being jealous and not knowing why and classic case of me wanting to write a jealousy scene UGH i just love “immediately” like okkkk who does that about a homie

 

Jungwon shifts in his position. He scratches his nose a little. “I think,” he starts, then pauses. He looks up at Jay, “we might … kiss.”

Jay almost dies. He puts down his empty glass. “Okay. Still — Why is that bad?” Jay’s aware that Heeseung’s personality can charm anybody, but seeing Jungwon like this is killing him badly.

 

interpret it as you may …. in my opinion i love thinking that jay has never seen jungwon like this: nervous and shifty over A BOY and especially about their neighbor who he knows & jay seeing jungwon’s crush manifest into something actually real and it freaks him out because he didn’t expect this so quickly

 

“Well—” Jungwon cuts himself off. “I think I want to do a little more than just kiss him but yeah. That’s … yeah.” Jungwon’s hands return to the hem of his shirt, scratching the seams with bitten nails. 

 

jungwon being shocked that jay can see right through him boy oh boy do i have news for you

 

Jungwon looks at him with his mouth in a straight line, meeting Jay’s incredulous eyes. Jungwon is being serious.

“I don’t want to mess this up.” Jungwon voices.

 

how sweet it is to confide in your best friend about an intimate moment in your life that you’ll remember forever so naturally he’ll get to do it with you first … oh wait

 

“Just a bro helping out another bro,” Jungwon offers, garnering a scoff from Jay. 

 

jungwon trying to lighten the mood. i imagine him looking over his shoulder with a nervous smile and he just hopes jay will say yes

 

Jay has known Jungwon for a while. Jungwon is very independent, resilient, and assertive but that doesn’t stop Jay from looking over him. He feels a little protective over him, and wouldn’t be able to bear him being upset. Jay looks over the little control freak and makes sure he doesn’t cause any more trouble but, you know, sometimes there are wild cards. Like this. 

 

i didn’t set a certain timeline for when they met, but no matter the length i think jay will always have said yes to jungwon. he knows him so well and he wouldn’t have stopped asking him, knowing jungwon’s obsessive nature and need to be in control of his life

 

He stares at Jungwon. Incredibly patient, curious. 

God damn it.

//

Jungwon’s eyes light up. And that’s all it takes for Jay.

 

folded under no pressure 😭🙏

 

okay and then they kiss kiss make out so BASICALLY this was the section that i spent the most time on and picked at the most because they’re finally sharing this part of themselves with each other and it needed to be slow, special, and something that they’ll regret. i wanted it to be intense because the daze after you get lost in the sauce is crazy so just imagine feeling that about your homeboy… 

i also think it’s adorable that jay literally talked jungwon through Kissing 😭 also side note jay’s “lessons” are just things that i thought of myself and i lowkey don’t know if i describe them correctly LMAO when people tell you kissing comes naturally, it really is true 

 

anyway jay giving jungwon these scenarios and tips and jungwon just staying quiet, not saying anything at all, and just following along because he’s so ridiculously stunned and lightheaded … yeah …….

 

Jay looks around and lets out a nervous laugh. He opens his mouth to say an ill-humored comment about the ridiculousness of it all but can’t because Jungwon puts his lips back on Jay’s.

Jay freezes. Jungwon is fucking kissing him again. And this time, with much more fervor than a few minutes ago. 

Jay doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel about new, confident Jungwon. But he comes to his senses and starts kissing him back, because god. How could he not.

Jungwon puts his hands around Jay’s neck and pulls him in closer, if the distance between them hasn’t already been closed for a while. It’s insane. It’s dizzying. It’s terrifying all the same. 

 

in hindsight i think i could’ve fleshed this area out more, like what was running through jay’s mind but honestly that’s the point - he can’t really think straight because jungwon, the freak, kisses him again. also this is the beauty of writing in poor lovesick jongseong’s pov because there’s no rhyme or reason to jungwon’s actions and he just goes along with it because he can never say no

 

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Jungwon starts making noises. This is what actually kills Jay. 

 

i mean……………

 

He’s not sure if what he’s saying is necessarily true, if Heeseung will actually do these things. It’s a selfish thing: Jay just wants to do them.

 

jay just wants to do them

 

Jay reattaches his lips to Jungwon’s and kisses him a while before running his tongue along the part of Jungwon’s lips. Jungwon mewls and opens his mouth. Jay’s tongue glides inside. Jungwon is shy, tongue stuttering. Jay rolls his tongue over Jungwon’s teeth and Jungwon shudders. Jay spurs on. He can taste the lingering essence of spearmint gum between their mouths. 

 

it’s messy, it’s gross, it’s sickening and i love it

 

Somewhere down the line, the intensity died down and kisses slowed, accompanied by breaths mingling and legs shifting. Jungwon starts to pull away and Jay can’t help but sneak a couple more pecks in before their faces feel years apart and they’re just looking at each other. Yet again. 

 

YET AGAIN

 

Jungwon’s eyes are shaky, his bangs are sticking to his forehead, his cheeks are pinker than usual, and his soft lips look gorgeous to Jay. 

 

goddddd curse enha for being able to look at jungwon every day

 

They stay like that for a while. Just observing each other’s faces. There is an unspoken notion that they both know nothing will be the same after this. Jay can live with that.

 

“jay can live with that” → he doesn’t care if they won’t be the same after this because at least he got to kiss jungwon

 

Jay buries his face in his hands and declares himself a dead man.

 

kind of stupid and i don’t really know if anyone noticed but i made multiple comments akin to “this is killing jay” and when jungwon finally leaves is when he’s “died” 

 

 

the whole intro part when jungwon first comes to jay’s house is so funny to me honestly i was picturing it in my mind and i wanted it to show that jungwon was so sure of what he was going to say and how he felt (rare occurence) and jay just being confused why he’s there and not being able to get out a sentence because jungwon just keeps interrupting him and scoffing… oh they’re so in crush with each other……

 

“You made it weird.” 

 

call back

 

“When he touched my hand, I wanted to feel your calloused fingers from playing guitar. When he brushed my hair out of my face, I thought about your box fan doing the same thing. When he touched my cheek to kiss me, I just wanted to be in your lap again.” Jungwon’s voice gets quieter and quieter. Jay turns off the ceiling fan to hear him. 

 

honestly one of my favorite grafs… jungwon couldn’t stop thinking about jay and his familiarity while on a date with someone else and then finally realizing that maybe this is what he wants instead

 

But Jungwon has been there. Lingering. In the corner of his eye, on the top of his phone messages, in the corner of his house that his parents refuse to kick him out of because, well, it’s Jungwon.

 

i realized shortly after i posted the fic that “corner” isn’t supposed to be there twice but oops oh well .. anyway just showing that jungwon has never left jay’s mind either

 

But Jay knows no matter how long it takes, they will figure it out together. 

And for now, he’ll focus on the boy in front of him. 

He’s never not, after all.

 

they’re seventeen, they’ve never felt this way about anyone before, they’ve never done this before, and they’ve never thought of each other in this way. but jay will never stop thinking about jungwon, jungwon will never stop bursting into jay’s house without permission and maybe that’s all they need. 

 

i hope this was fun … if anyone has any other questions about other/certain parts of this fic or my writing process in general feel free to ask my alterspring. this is my first fic back after not being caught up on kpop for Two Years (heol) and my ao3 redebut so it’s been a while 😭 but anyway i hope you all enjoyed the mess <3

twt/x | ao3